


A journey through time and space

by DocClockwork



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Genre: F/M, Humor, Jam, M/M, Mpreg, Sex, Slash, this is so silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-02-05
Packaged: 2017-11-27 11:12:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/661316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DocClockwork/pseuds/DocClockwork
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some times arthur feels as though the universe is laughing at him.....it may not be but we sure are. <br/>It all started with one unthinkable night between the sheets of the earthmans bed and continued on to utter madness from there</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The night of passion

Time really does fly when you having fun, or rather yet when your sitting by watching other people have fun" this is what the poor English man sitting on a bar said to him self while looking over at his friends dancing and swaying to the music of the party. He let out a long exasperated sigh while simply slouching over and pivoting his wrist some to make the liquid in his cup swirl round and round. He raised the yellow liquid up to the vicinity near his mouth sniffing it slightly before twisting his face some and taking a long sip from the glass. Before setting it atop the counter. With slightly bent arms he rest his head atop his fist before looking out upon his friends who seemed to be having a good time.

"What on earth have they got that I don't?"

"Well for one none of them shiver like a small dog with ever they get nervous"

"Good point bu-"

"And they can hold their alcohol"

"Yeah bu-"

"Besides there pretty good looking once you think about it"

"Hey what a min-"

"And they don't complain like a house wife"

"You know this really isn't helping my mood"

"It's your mind, I'm just your subconscious"

His frown deepened as he realized the fact not only had he lost an argument with his own mind but what the other voice in his head was stating was completely right at least that's how it looked. Sitting there on the bar stool he watched each of his friend be gravitated. It seemed as if they all were slathered in honey and every one else were bees. He's gaze came upon Zaphod first who didn't even surprise him with the amount of attention he was getting. Woman stuck to him similar to how flies stuck to sticky paper. They giggled and laughed as almost all of them received a peck on the cheek or a full on make out session with one of Zaphod heads. Some of them even received a slap on the behind from the one of three hands he had to spare. Laughing as he swayed back and forth most likely in a drunken stupor at this point.

Than his gaze went to tricia or rather Trillian now a days was attracting a good amount of attention as well, good looking men…if they were men flocked to her offering her drinks or a dance, or rides on spaceships which he for her sake were just as such. Than there was ford…. whom seemed to be like some one had dropped a piece of meat in to a piranha tank. Swarming around where men and woman, or at least what looked like men and woman to him. Either way he seemed to be popular with both genders and was having a grand ole time barely able to keep on his feet with the amount of alcohol he's ingested.

Arthur swept a few locks of hair from tickling his fore head before he turned around not being able to bare his friend's party prowess while he simply sat there. As far as his luck went when it came to dating or romantic interested, there was a pair of Men who came up to him in attempt to 'get to know each other' but his ground hog like nature prevailed once more as he simply retracted in to silence with a strawberry red blush plastered across his face, he wasn't refusing the offer he was just frankly shy when it came to, any relationship! Even with girls he seems to have a problem. He allowed his head to come down upon the counter gently sighing before an idea popped in his head, 'why not pack up and head home' loneliness for the night was better than just sitting here bored. Swinging his torso round her slid off the bar seat. Staggering some now that his feet touched the ground he was slightly more aware of just how hammered he was. With a silent wave to his friend he trudge from the nosy colorful bar back to the heart of cold hopefully he could find his way to his bed with out Eddie's "help: or Marvin's complaining.

Stumbling through the hallways of the white finish ship, his eyes half open trying to find his way through the slightly darkened ship, finally through maybe a half an hour of searching he was able to finally find his way back to his room. Arthur trudged inside with slightly hazy eyes. He proceeded with some difficulty to remove his clothing before finally climbing in to bed lazily covering him self with a few blankets. He was just about to sink in to dream world but was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and shoes hitting the floor. He frowned his brow some still muddy brain failing to get the message that some one was in the room. Arthur didn't become alarmed until he felt some one climb in to his bed with him, feeling hot breath against the back of his neck. He sighed some hoping that it wasn't a shit faced Zaphod once again getting his own room mixed up with Arthur's. He couldn't help but shiver some as the feeling of who's ever breath tickled the back of his neck like some one holding a feather duster.

He could take it any more, feeling like he was going to squirm his way out of the covers if he didn't do something, he rolled over lazily, but instead of coming face to face with a snoring Zaphod it was quite awake and drunk looking Ford laying in his bed.

A smile pulled across the Betelgeusian's face, as he simply lied there staring right in to the hazelnut eye ape descendants. Arthur was somewhat shocked to see how intently ford seems to be staring at him even though he was obviously piss drunk. Smiling widely he raised a hand-making Arthur move his head some even if the appendage was a good foot or two away from his face. Still only half awake he only moved slightly once ford's hand was cupping his cheek some. There was a warm feeling that radiated from the hand-putting Arthur in a hazy stupor. He simply lied there while ford stroked his cheek some with his thumb. "Hey…*hic* Arthur…" he tried to mumble something the only thing that came out of his mouth was a small grunt.

Ford laughed lightly before the smile in which looked like it couldn't get nay bigger did just that. "Did I ever tell you.*hic* you have the most beautiful eyes I've seen on a human". Somewhere in the back of Arthur's mind he was thinking how cheesy that sounded but at the moment the rest of him didn't really care. With the feeling like he was being wrapped in a space blanket and softly kissed as his cheek was stroked he cracked a small smile "mm" was all he muttered while his eye lids fluttered some. "That…..*hic*…s, one of the reasons, I saved  **…*hic*..** You from earth, that and  **hic** , I always thought you look so cute when you panic" He chuckled some to him self making him laugh even more. Ford seems to scoot even closer allowing the rest of his arm to rest on side as he simply lay there and listened half-heartedly.

As Arthur lied there allowing Ford to confess what sounded like his secret crush on him. It only made his smile a little more maybe he thought; maybe this was a good dream he was having. Admitting to him self that the dream was good enough though it seemed to be a very romantic dream between him and some one who was suppose to be his best friend. Ford scooted even closer only inches away from Arthur wrapping both arms around him and kissing him atop the forehead Arthur felt what seemed to be a wave of warm pleasure that flowed through him soothing him to the point of allowing ford to begin kissing his neck sensually. Even if he was drunk he would have climbed out of bed by now and at least tried to get ford back in bed but this feeling was to enjoyable to end, so he just stayed there, feeling fords lips tickle his neck.

The session went on for a while ford stroking Arthurs face and hair, whispering sweet nothing that he usually reserved for the female dates he brought home. One in a while he switched it up kissing Arthur along his neck, even being so bold as to deliver a peck on the lips once or twice. That was until he alcohol started to wear off, Arthur still seemed to be in a dazed state but was being pushes by another force entirely. He pulled away from Arthur for only a few seconds stripping down to absolutely nothing before climbing back in to bed. Pressed against Arthur he went for a kiss pressing his surprisingly soft lips against Arthur and keeping it that way for a few seconds. Arthur even when only half aware that same strawberry blush appears on his face, which made Ford laugh once more before he start to massage Arthur's leg with his pelvis. Little did Arthur now that ford's acts of romance where not going to stop at just kissing, the look on his face showed him wanting more than just playful and romantic acts of kissing and hugging, much more, the extend of which Arthur would wake up to.


	2. Waking up but not in vegas

To say Arthur's head was pounding like the various percussion instruments in a grand orchestra was an under statement. It was, or rather it felt like there was a small thunder storm brewing within his skull threatening to split it open, it made trying to gather his thoughts nearly impossible. The cobwebs in his brain felt more like bubble gum or even rubber cement and kept the wheels of his mind from turning and rising to greet the day.  
There were small snippets of thought that seem to muck through his brain such as why does everything feel so sticky or why is it so hot in here and other such small question that his brain has yet to answer. It wasn't until his ears picked up a groan from next to him that sparked the fuse to his mental explosion. All of a sudden he bolt up right as that hazy memory of some one hands all over him came rushing in to him like rhinoceros, who exactly he couldn't quite remember seeing as with his buzzed brain he didn't recall stumbling back to the heart of gold with a lady (or possibly a man) on his arm. His blood shot eyes spotted a head of dark ginger-ish hair that was currently clashing against the soft white pillows of his bed. There was a churning in his stomach as the particular head of hair looked quite familiar. He was far to nervous to pull the covers back to see what was in his bed so who ever was buried under the comforter did it them selves.  
Arthur could honestly say (if he could say anything) that he had not expected to see a very hung-over looking Betelgeusian's entering the early stages of waking up.  
"Ford!"  
He groaned at the surprise yell of his own name pulling the pillow that Arthur has slept on over his head  
"Arthur not so loud…"  
"Ford, what on Ea-No what in the universe are you doing in my bed"  
Ford pulled the pillow from over his face looking at Arthur with a slightly raised brow,  
"What do you mean what am I doing in your bed"  
"Don't answer my question with another question"  
"Than don't yell so loud when we both know that neither of us can handle the slightest bit of loud noises at the moment"  
He was about to reply with don't answer his command with another command but another key fact hit Arthur in the face like a wet sock.  
Neither he nor ford were wearing a speak of clothing.  
Not a shirt  
Not a sock  
Not even a pair of boxers  
Completely naked..In the same bed.  
It was than that Ford watched as Arthur's brain experienced a small nuclear melt down, rebuilt it self, have yet another melt down and finally pick up the charred remains of his thought process once more.  
"I uh…thank I'll uh..Go get us some breakfast" ford said with a semi comforting smile that still in shock Arthur ignored. Ford quickly pulled him self from the comfy confines of the covers grabbing his discarded boxers and pulling them on quickly before Arthur could have yet another mental breakdown. He scrambled out of the room and in to the hallway quickly closing the door behind him and leaving Arthur to gather his wits.  
Ford sighed some as he started the long trek to the kitchen, why in the universe did the lights have to be so damn bright, he was thankful for unlike other species Betelgeusian's recovered fairly quickly from trivial things such as hangovers, but it didn't seem to help with the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that he may have in all seriousness just mentally scarred his Best friend for life. It made him groan some once more and run a hair through his somewhat ruffled hair.  
"What's your problem" a familiar voice rang through out the kitchen  
"Yeah" another voice exactly like the first voice spoke.  
Ford only turned his head slightly seeing the face of his two headed semi-half cousins sitting there at the kitchen island.  
"Nothing"  
"Doesn't look like nothing," Zaphod said more so out of nosey-ness rather than concern.  
"You really wanna know"  
"I'm all ears semi-cousin"  
"I think Me and Arthur slept.."  
Both of Zaphod face twisted some in confusion as his brow dipped to compliment the look of confusion.  
"Like you know…. together"  
"You mean you were so plastered you couldn't find your room so you just slept in Arthur's?"  
"No that's you…I mean, more so maybe…sort of…possible has intercourse"  
Ford let his eyes fall to his feet in a bashful manor shuffling them some before a loud obnoxious laughter erupted from both of Zaphod's mouths.  
"Woooow! Are you for real? I wouldn't pegged you as the first one to go for the gold!"  
"Gold what gold?"  
"The great goal Ix! You know what I mean"  
"No I don't"  
"Don't try to play that whole humble game with me you dog" He laughed almost to the point where we fell off the stool. Holding on to the counter some for support  
"I never though My Cousin would be the first to shack up with an endangered species!"  
Ford face went from the slight confusion that it has taken up at the sound of Zaphod laughter, to that of anger.  
"Shut up Zaphod it's not that funny" A small more calming voice rang out before Ford could say anything. The thin wavy haired brunette was standing there at the entrance of the kitchen arms folded glaring some at Zaphod who slowly retracted his laughter when met with the icy stare.  
"Are you serious Ford?" Her voice said as she turned those ridiculous pools of hazelnut stared holes in to him.  
He knitted his fingers together looking at Trillian than back to Zaphod than back to trillion like both the little balls of blue that were his eyes were doing suicides. Trillian walked further in to the ships kitchen sitting only a little ways away from Zaphod who while one head seem to be stifling a chuckle the other was simply grinning like an idiot. Finally a sigh escaped his lips as he looked up  
"Yeah, we uh, slept together or I guess you humans would say, made love"  
Zaphod burst back in to a roar of laughter beating his fist against the table while wiping a few tears away from his eyes. Trillian rolled her eyes in the direction of the three-handed betelgusian, looking back at Ford  
"So…are you guys~"  
"I don't know when I walked out of the room Arthur seem to have having a small mental crisis so I left to get breakf-"  
He was interrupted by the sound of shuffling foot steps both Trillian and ford's eyes settled on a still stunned looking Arthur who simply walked to the kitchen opened up the fridge grabbed a jar of jam and spoon and trudged right on out of the kitchen. Trillian was the first to speak,  
"Oh great now he's gone and gotten the jam"  
It had become a well known fact among the ship that when one ape descendent by the name of Arthur dent was out of his wits would resort to grabbing the nearest jar of jar, some times a spoon as well and locking him self in his room and consuming the entire jar until some one eventually got the door opened and retrieved the empty jar.  
"Did you…did you rape him!" Trillian suddenly jumped to the worst idea as she practically hopped out of her seat and glared daggers in to Ford. Ford put his hands up in defense a small bead of nervous sweat starting to form on his fore-head, "No At least I don't think so, I mean no! I may have been extremely intoxicated but I was no where near that inebriated to rape my best male friend!"  
"Dear lord, I swear ford If I find out your lying." Trillian said quickly walking past him to hopefully catch up to the reclusive Arthur and stop him from once again consuming the entirety of the grape confection. She exited the kitchen leaving just a some what cold feeling Ford and a cackling Zaphod.  
He was but a few steps away from his room when the brown haired earth female suddenly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around snatching away the jar of grape jam before he could say "heywaitjustapicthatsmyjam.  
"You'll get cavities if you eat all of this" She said motioning to the jar of jam.  
"I'm an adult and I can do what I want," He said trying to sound commanding but instead coming off as incredibly whinny. Trillian rolled her eyes before ushering Arthur in to his room so that they might chat. She took a seat on an adjacent jar while Arthur flopped on to his bed curling up in to a small ball while giving a heavy sigh.  
"So what happened exactly"?  
"I-I don't know really"  
"I'm sure you do, either your thinking about it or repressing it"  
"So you can read minds now"  
"No offense Arthur but your not the most unpredictable of men"  
"Thanks for that."  
"That's not what I mean~" She said her tone laced with a gentle comforting fluffy-ness  
"I know you basically shut down when ever you don't know how to react to something"  
"Oh yeah?" He said somewhat muffled by his dressing gown  
"Yeah, I have no idea were this jam comfort therapy came from though"  
"I like jam…"  
"I know…"  
"Sounds like he liked what he was doing with Ford last night a bit more" a low bored and depressed voice drifted in to the room. A familiar rainy-clouded robot stepped in to the room looked quite slouched over for a Robot.  
"Kept me up all night with that they were doing."  
Arthur began to turn a similar shade to strawberry jam, Trillian frowned some at Marvin for suddenly budding in to what was suppose to be a comforting moment.  
"I have a recording if you want to listen~" he practically groaned, Arthur was about to uncurl from his ball thought but h felt his face was far to hot with blush to reveal to Trillian. It was than that Ford chooses a wonderfully awkward point in the conversation to some retrieve his pants. And his towel that Marvin started to play the recorded of the events of last night.  
It was just has bad both parties assumed. There was an array of moans, groans, purring and what sounded like a very long gratuitous make out session, as far as what well was on the recording this being a fairly clean story we are not allowed to describe in graphic detail.  
Ford's face was painted with an s good amount of blush, but Arthur…the ape descendent was so red he looked almost the same shade of a rose petal. Curling up further in to his comfort ball he shivered similar to a small dog as Trillian coughed some to clear the air of the awkward smog that was forming. "Well uh Arthur…I can see your upset so I'll just leave you be…come on ford" she said motioning for the tall Betelgusian to fallow her out of Arthurs room and close the door to leave him to his flustered thoughts. As soon as they were down the hallway Trillian stopped turning ford around  
"We need to fix this. For the sake of all the jam in the universe…"  
"Y-your right…"


End file.
